Penguin's and Tuna Fish
by Yami Maleci
Summary: When Jim is left a rather disturbing birthday gift in the trunk of his car, he's left to attempt to puzzle out who would be cruel enough to take the phrase "Snitches get stitches " a bit too literally for his tastes. hopefully eventual gobblepot goodness 3


**Notes: Yay~ The start of a new fandom and new fics! First attempt at anything Gotham related so hopefully everyone enjoys! -KaiPuppet**

 **Edward grinned, his hands full of a fancy looking cake as he walked into the main area of the GCPD headquarters and over to his favorite detectives' desks. "A man lives an average of 100 years!" he began, both Harvey and Jim exchanging glances over their mounds of paperwork before both staring at Edward as he sat the near flaming birthday cake on Jim's desk. "How many birthdays does an average man have?" he grinned wider as he waited for an answer.**

 **"Is that a cake? Or a flame-thrower?" Harvey laughed as Jim made a face noticing it indeed had a few too many candles. He wasn't exactly the type to even want to celebrate his birthday-preferring to treat it as just another day, but it was a nice gesture of Ed to make him a cake so he figured he would just go with it. "And really? Riddles-cut the man some slack it's his damn birthday!"**

 **"Yes, that's why it's a birthday riddle!" Edward went on excitedly as he set plastic forks and a few plates down and got to work cutting pieces for everyone after Jim had blown out the candles. "Do you give up Detective?!" he offered his piece of the cake.**

 **Jim shrugged as he watched his partner contently digging into the offered desert, never one to pass up the opportunity for sweets even if riddles were attached. "I have no idea Ed, but thanks for the cake-you didn't have to do this for me" he said taking a bite with an approving sigh of happiness.**

 **"One! The answer is One Mr. Gordon!" Edward declared, digging into his own piece of cake with a smile plastered on his face, happy the other seemed to enjoy the cake. "It's a play on words"**

 **"A good one-I never would have guessed, I had thought about guessing 100!" Jim teased as he kicked back in his chair, maybe it was okay to indulge some birthday things-just this once. "You know, Harv and I are gonna go out for a few beers since our shift is over. Why don't you join us Ed?!" Harvey busted out laughing as Edward stood still, his mouth gaping open speechless at being asked to be included, eyeing Jim like he'd grown another head.**

 **"This is where you just say yes, Ed." Harvey commented, busting out laughing again as he got up and grabbed his coat, Jim doing the same after putting the rest of the cake away.**

 **"Harvey, I don't drink-or well never have or..."**

 **Harvey's grin grew wider, if such a thing was even possible. "Wonderful! That means I can drink your share right buddy?!" he exclaimed smacking the other on the back as Jim met back up with them and the three headed out of the building to the car. "Ed-this isn't another stupid riddle is it? You can only bribe me with so much cake before they start to piss me off again," he gestured to the exaggeratedly large red bow that was stuck on the trunk of the patrol car.**

 **"I assure you Detective, I have nothing to do with the fact there's a giant red bow on the trunk of your car!" Edward declared, perplexed, the trio staring at the car for several moments before actually deciding to do something about it. Harvey pulled his gun and Jim went to pop the trunk. "Oh dear..." Jim and Harvey had their guns trained on the trunk as it opened to reveal an unmoving body wrapped in a blood soaked sheet, black tufts of matted hair sticking out of the top of one end was all the group needed to speculate who was so unlucky. "What's black, white and red all over?" he frowned backing away unsure he wanted to see the extent of the damage.**

 **"Not the time, Ed!" Harvey growled as he finally got up enough courage to turn the body over to see if he was even alive anymore. "Oh holy shit..." he stood in shock at the sight, It was indeed Oswald wrapped up in the blood soaked blankets and his eyes and mouth had been sewn shut with thick black thread and he could only imagine what the rest of his body looked like if they were to unwrap him the rest of the way. "Jim, this is bad...this is..." he really didn't have any words for the sight before him, he wasn't exactly a fan of The Penguin but this was not something he would wish on anyone.**

 **"Penguin...Is he even still alive?" Edward piped in, the shock apparent on his face as well as he reached a shaky hand out to touch the wounds, Oswald letting out a muffled whimper trying to move away. "Well-I answered that question.." he went on before Jim shoved him out of the way in order to pick Oswald up and take him back inside, he needed medical attention as soon as possible and he figured Lee could help him out with less questions than trying to drag him to a hospital. "Lee!-Lee! I could really use your help!" Jim yelled carrying Oswald's near limp body through the office, ignoring the stares he got from the others, finally ended up in the medical examiner's room hoping that's where she'd be. "Don't ask questions, just please help." he cursed inwardly at how desperate he sounded, but there was something about seeing the mobster in such a injured way that was causing him to feel protective over Oswald.**

 **"Oh-oh my God Jim...how..." Lee began gaping at the sight of the man in his arms as Edward and Harvey stayed in the doorway not wanting to crowd too much. "Get him untied and out of his suit coat, I need to see where all the blood is coming from." She frowned when she heard Oswald whimpering again trying to lift his head up and struggle when Jim laid him down on table. "Sssh, you're safe now. Try to relax." She soothed, speaking softly-she couldn't imagine what might be going through his mind- and shooting Jim a pointed look to try to get him to calm the other down.**

 **"Oswald stop, Look we're trying to help, no one is gonna hurt you!" Jim growled out forgetting the other couldn't see what was going on around him as he watched Oswald slowly tilt his head up to where he thought the voice was coming from. "Christ..." he breathed, knowing getting angry wouldn't help Oswald's anxiety over the situation. "Please just let us help, I won't let anything happen to you." He reached out to run his thumb over the thread keeping Penguin's eyes closed before he could stop himself, it was strange to feel the eyelids flutter, trying to open while Oswald released a heavy breath through his nose.**

 **"Fascinating..." Edward whispered, quite interested in the goings on of the room. It surprised him greatly that Oswald had even regained consciousness let alone the fact he was allowing Jim to touch him in such a way. He would have assumed Oswald's automatic reaction would be to shy away or fight and yet he seemed to be soothed by Jim's touches, relaxing until he must have heard Lee approached him once again. "Do you need help, Dr. Tomkins?" he frowned when he got glared at for asking.**

 **Lee sighed when Oswald tried scrabbling away from her, almost ending up on the floor before Jim caught him and kept him from falling off the table. "This would be so much easier if he wasn't awake." She stated, not that she blamed him for being so afraid. "This isn't going to be fun, I have to dig a bullet out and fix several bad gashes before I can even work on his face," she shook her head and stared at Jim "Tell me again why we're not bringing him to a hospital? I don't even have anything to numb him-this is a morgue for Christ sakes, Jim!" she felt guilty as she started in on the bullet hole without warning, wanting to get things done as quickly as he would allow her. Oswald let out a muffled scream, the thread pulling his skin causing it to rip and bleed more, Jim cringing at the sight. "Almost done with this one…promise!"**

 **Oswald was digging what little nails he had left into Jim's wrist, his breath coming out of his nose in short puffs. "Try to relax, Oswald, focus on my voice," the detective found himself trying to comfort him despite all that had happened between them lately. He ran a hand through the matted, greasy hair in hopes he would calm down some. Jim smiled noticing Oswald seemed to tilt his head into the touch, his eyelids continuing to twitch, blood leaking from the stitches making it look like he was crying blood. "Lee, hurry up" he urged, not expecting her to hand him a pair of small pointed scissors. "What the hell is this for?" she simply pointed her bloody fingers at Oswald's face before going back to what she was doing. "I don't know how to do that!"**

 **"All you have to do is make sure to go slow and don't let him move around too much." Lee replied, making it sound like were the easiest thing in the world to do. "You'll do fine, he trusts you far more than me anyway, I don't think he'd let me go near his face with scissors."**

 **Jim let out a shaky breath he didn't realize he'd been holding as he grabbed ahold of Oswald's chin to keep him still. "Okay, you're afraid and I'm afraid-I'm not going to cut you so long as you stay as still." He explained, he could almost hear the mobster's snotty retort in his head and it calmed him enough to make the first snip of thread. Oswald's body was completely rigid against him making him even more on edge as he tried to focus. "Please try to just...work with me, when have ever given you a reason not to trust me?" Jim let out a yelp of surprise when he felt Oswald weakly push him away. "Okay—poor choice of words after threatening to leave you for Maroni to find, but really you need to trust me right now because I'm honestly trying to help you." He let his word sink in a moment watching Oswald closely. "The sooner you sit still-the sooner the both of us will be out of your feathers" Edward chuckled at Jim's lame joke as Oswald curled up on himself making Lee shake her head, Jim wasn't exactly being the best of helpers to get him stitched back up and at the rate the two were going he was going to keep losing blood that he really needed to be keeping inside his body at this point.**

 **"You two, make yourselves useful and go to the nearest hospital and get a bag or two of blood for him while we finish up." Lee stated feeling like things were suddenly not being taken seriously**

 **Jim frowned at his girlfriend's tone while Harvey drug Ed out of the room to complete the task given. "I'm gonna finish this whether you like it or not." He muttered, finally getting up enough courage to stomach finishing cutting out the thread, if only to keep Oswald from ripping it out himself seeing as how the mobster had taken it upon himself to try ripping out the string he'd cut. He gently put Penguin's hands back in his lap before grabbing his chin again to keep him still in case he decided to fight again. In the time it took for Harvey and Edward to get back Jim had managed to get both Oswald's eyes back open and was working on finishing with the stitched in his mouth.**

 **"I much prefer you with eyes rather than looking like a creepy voodoo doll." Harvey remarked as he walked back in with Edward, who was carrying a small cooler. "I'm so nice I even brought you some good drugs, you're welcome Cobblepot." He shook the bag in front of the mobster's face, who cringed slightly before Jim snatched it and put it aside for later. "If anyone needs me I'll be enjoying a cup of coffee and a danish at my desk now that the crisis has been averted," he paused eyeing Jim who was finally just finishing—Oswald opening his mouth hesitantly a few times to test if being free from the horrid string was really real. "You still owe me a drink when you get done with your boyfriend."**

 **"Well at least you're a bit like yourself" Jim joked noticing Oswald was flipping Harvey off while Lee tended to the wounds left on his face. "Ignore Harvey—least he meant…well" he offered one of the pills to Oswald who seemed far more interested in the water to wash it down with. "Well I can see you're thirsty-are you hungry too? I'm sure Harvey will share his danish." He sighed when Oswald just shook his head, letting out a yelp when Lee placed an IV in his arm to replace some of the blood he'd lost.**

 **"So long as you rest and don't move around too much for a while you should begin to feel better soon." Lee remarked smiling, extremely happy to be done with the whole ordeal as she moved to finally go wash her hands of all his blood. "Jim, I'm leaving him in your care now." and with that she left the room, stepping outside for some air to try to figure out what exactly she had just helped with, and leaving Jim and Oswald to stare awkwardly at each other.**

 **Jim smiled slightly, taking notice that Oswald seemed to be getting drowsy, the pain killers clearly taking the edge off. "Harvey really must have got you the good stuff," he joked, taking the glass of water away before Oswald dropped it. "I'm taking you back to my apartment to get some rest, I'm sure you'll understand if I don't trust any of your lackeys to make sure you stay in one piece." He expected the other to protest but instead Oswald's response was to simply lay his head against Jim's chest and look up sleepily at him, in fact Oswald hadn't spoken at all since the Detective had unstitched his mouth and it was beginning to unnerve Jim seeing as how the mobster was usually so talkative.**

" **I'll be back okay, I'm gonna go find you a blanket or a shirt." He was really going to need a few drinks after this. He walked out to find Edward and Harvey hadn't gone too far, apparently waiting to see what Jim was planning on doing.**

 **"Oh no-I can already see it with that look on your face Jimbo." Harvey commented, putting back on his coat figuring they were finally leaving. "That kid is gonna turn into the stray cat you fed once so it keeps coming back knowing you won't kick it." He shook his head before tossing Ed his coat. "Why can't we just bring him to the club—drop him off like an unwanted baby and let Butch deal with it."**

 **"Do you know what cats and Penguins have in common?" Edward suddenly remarked, grinning, seeming oblivious to the dirty looks being shot his way. When no one answered he did it for them. "Tuna—the answer is tuna! If Oswald is hungry surely he'll eat that!"**

 **"ED!" the two detectives were already on their last nerves. Jim managed to compose himself long enough to explain "He's coming home with me, if you two would like to tag along to help me I'll offer you free reign of my liquor stash, but I'm not dropping him off when for all we know Butch or someone else close to him could be the reason he's in such a state."**

 **Harvey groaned knowing his partner had a point and because he was such a damn goodie two shoes about everything it meant he was stuck babysitting Cobblepot. "This almost seems like a fair trade, Cobblepot for booze." he remarked with a shrug "I'm in-you in Ed?" he saw the other nod which made Jim feel a bit more at ease.**

 **Finally finding a blanket in the locker room Jim returned to find Oswald sound asleep with Lee standing over him making sure he was still doing okay. "Lee, I'm sorry, I hope you're okay." he began to apologize before being abruptly cut off by a slap.**

 **"Don't ever make me do something like that again" Lee said softly looking slightly in shock "Sorry—I shouldn't have hit you I just.." Jim quickly closing the gap to kiss her in hopes of smoothing things over, Lee smiling at him when they parted. "His eyes are starting to swell some so he may not be able to see very well for a few days. I would suggest an ice pack on them later when he wakes up, otherwise if you just keep his other wounds from getting infected Oswald should heal up just fine."**

 **Jim nodded, trying to take everything all in as he kept staring at Oswald's sleeping form. "Ice—right, I can do that." He mumbled, trying to get rid of the image of a terrified, broken looking Cobblepot out of his head as he kept staring at the sleeping man. "Really, thank you Lee."**

 **"Just don't let it happen again, I really don't want this to become a habit." Lee commented, handing him a small bag. "Stuff to help you with him tonight, you're welcome Jim." She kissed him again before walking out to head home for the evening. "Call me if you need me!"**

 **"What in the hell did I just get myself into?" Jim pondered out loud as he wrapped Oswald in the blanket he'd found, very much ready to just get home before shit hit the fan again.**


End file.
